I can’t stop thinking about it….

Whether to go back to work or continue to stay at home with E.

I’m a speech-language pathologist and I worked until Nov. of last year before we moved. I worked at an elementary school on a military post (public, not DOD) with pre-k through 5th grade.  The kids, for the most part, were great.  Meetings were before and after school at least three days a week, if not more.  Testing at least once a week, if not more. Caseload of around 50 kiddos, though that varied immensely some days.  Some parents were incredibly difficult to deal with some were not.  I had a good 10-15 kids that were speech-only so I was responsible for their IEPs, collaboration with teachers, etc.

It was a.lot.of.work. (not that other jobs aren’t!) I found it stressful and busy, but no two days were the same.  It was amazing to see progress and I’m not sure I had a ‘favorite’ group of kids.

Honestly? We weren’t well respected, even among the special ed department.  It was a tough place to work for a lot of reasons.

But, I miss it … I find myself searching here and there for jobs.  That would mean day care for E and most likely full-time work for me.  It wouldn’t be easy, especially with Scott being active duty and not always present.

I’ve committed to staying home for her first year.  I’m trying to be flexible and wait and see what we might want as we get closer to that time.

I think I’m most afraid of falling behind — not finding a job when she’s older — or being out of practice.  But, there’s more than that I have to consider .. who knows if we’ll want another little one .. or if Scott stays in the Army … or when/if he deploys again.

I just don’t know.  I feel like if I go back to work I’ll miss being home with her. But, I’ll miss work and I want to use all that I’ve learned/my degree.

How DOES one decide?  Who do I want to be as a parent; what do I want as a career; what is best for our family?

No answers here today…

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