Within this year, we’ll be going thru another deployment.

This will be our third; circumstances are different — namely we have a small person among our midst and there’s a house to maintain.

It won’t be the longest one (that was 15 months during the troop surge), but honestly? It doesn’t matter how long it is. They’re gone. Whether its two weeks, two months or a year. Gone is gone.

I’m worried about it — there’s a yard to mow, a pool to take care of, a little one to parent, a dog to feed, laundry…well, you know, everything to do.

Gah — if I’d known he was very seriously considering getting out of the Army I would have done quite a few things differently. But, what’s done is done.

Its very likely this will be his last. I have such mixed feelings about it actually … but in the end it’ll be his decision. The thing is? Saying good-bye is heartwrenching. Truly makes my heart hurt in ways I can’t explain. Being left behind and watching them walk away is tough. But … but but but. I’m not the one that walks away. I’m not the one that won’t see Eliza turn two or celebrate Christmas with her. I’m not the one that’ll miss the daily things that happen, the new skills she learns. Oh, sure we’ll send videos, skype — all that good stuff. But gone is gone.

I read this about staying home from war and I could totally relate.

The thing is — I am so grateful for our life. so so grateful. we have good things; a house, a baby, a dog, family … the things that are a challenge are also such a blessing. Though what they are seems to change by the day 😉

And — I have no clever way to end this except maybe the end? ha! Maybe I’ll have to re-read this when I’m complaining about his dirty laundry on the floor or some other such annoyance….

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